I get asked that so much. So much that I have a draft prepared answer in my head, which I vary depending on the situation. Something about seeing both sides of it, etc.
But it still affects you. You wouldn’t be doing it if it it didn’t. It’s just that every so often, after a bad couple of days, something really hits you. And then you ask yourself, how do I continue?
Hope. When it seems like all hope has gone.
The bottom line is, life isn’t fair. Full stop. How I justify that ethically, religiously, medically, only God knows right now.
I wrote this on the 3rd and instead of posting it I rang up a close friend, told her of the issue and she met me in town that afternoon. Spending time with her made me feel better, not only because she told me some hopeful news, but also because she reminded me that it’s ok to have questions, doubts and uncertainities. So although the above babblings are still relevant, true and saddening, I’m not freaked about it making me question my religious standing. It’s just something I have to work through. And I apologise if none of this makes any sense to anyone…